Relationships #Friends & the Influence

Relationships #Friends & the Influence

So friends are really important to us all… Agreed! They are the closest thing to most of us other than our Families (that we can never get rid of - at times). Our friends are the people that just get us with rarely any judgement They are our biggest support system.

So it makes sense that when you introduce someone you're dating to these special people that you very soon become a label instead of an individual… As i found ‘’the latest squeeze’’ or normally ‘’the NEW girlfriend/boyfriend’’ - Instead of just you… You become an object of judgement! So It goes without saying your friends or your partners friends are or can be your biggest PR Campaign - that can promote or destroy you.

In truth what they say matters and with the level and amount of time they spend with your partner the bigger the influence that they (friends) have over them on you. Yes integrating your partner to your friends and family are important too the future of the relationship, it is what makes them see that you can be in their life for longer. But there are right ways of doing this.

My Mistake

So I had casually met a few of my partner at the times friends, and the ones i did meet were very nice… Now i have a thing about large crowds, that i never used to have but from the stories i had been told it kinda freaked me out a little and i found it extremely overwhelming to be in a room full of all of his friends - HE HAD LOADS!!. So i put it off…

This was potentially harmful to my relationship at the time, as the longer i left it the worse the picture was of me that i had painted for them. Now to my surprise some of his friends knew about me others didn’t, this took the edge off a little but also posed questions in my mind. The questions where 100% the situation i had created for myself, because obviously he was not viewing the relationship as i was at the time, but that is my own fault because i was not integrating into his world.

In other areas of our relationship i shined and this area, the most important of all others i sucked at!! I supported him in doing something that he had always wanted to do, i did my part and raised money for his cause. And It really was a proud moment that he had put everything together as amazingly as he did! It was a proud Girlfriend Moment! He had put on a benefit to help raise money and awareness for a charity and then went on to climb a mountain in africa and had this life changing experience, it was great to have been apart of the making of that.

Anyways, It was the first time i had been in a huge room where i suddenly came aware that i knew nobody. His friends were not as welcoming as i had hoped, but 100% again this was my fault for being so distant in the beginning. Upon talking to some & i think this is probably the moment that kind of knocked me a little, was when one of his good friends (admittedly she was rather drunk) said ‘’ohh you the latest squeeze” I was thinking well i’m not the latest i’ve been with him for almost a year… Then it dawned on me, It took me a year before even coming close to being in his world… So yes i should expect that… and what was to follow.. ‘’He certainly kept you quiet.. did he tell you that me & him..”

Wow i was shocked and at that moment all i wanted to do was go home yet i stayed and supported him. The responses i had got were fair i had not made the effort in the beginning so i should not of expected any less.

The moral and the lesson i have learnt from all this & it might be so simple to the rest of you but to me it had never occurred, because i had not been in a position where i actually cared and it was a new experience for me. By that i mean, i had obviously dated others but i was not that into them to worry about that side of things.

So yes the lesson, It’s important if someone you're dating wants you to meet the people he cares most about. Infact the topic of wanting to meet the new love interest had probably come from their closed friends in first place, from all the good things that the person you're dating has been talking about. It should be a fun honored thing… (Even if i found it daunting).

Instead of putting it off, you should always take them up on that offer. If you do not take them up on that offer, your painting a bad light for yourself in the eyes of those that mean the most to your partner. The longer you leave it the worse it becomes, because we are seen as this girl/guy who is stealing all our mates time and yet she/he won't make time for us? They won't stand for it and that’s when they become the PR Campayn that destroys you, leaves you with less time with your partner until eventually it crumbles.

So yes meeting them as soon as you can allows you to get to see him in another light, how he is outside of you and who you are together. You get to see what kind of people he cares for and it’s then your choice to make rapport with them and make them important to you too. It also gets you to be seen as an individual instead of ‘’blah blah’s Girl/boyfriend”.

Another thing that is important is to allow your partner to still have that time alone with their mates but there has to be a balance in this too. They should always be encouraged to do the things that make them the happiest, after all that is what we want. Never try to control someone or change them because they will not be the person you fell in love with. Communicate your feelings and practise the art of compromise, if there is not a balance and the other is not willing to invest into you as you are into them, it’s not the relationship for you.

I hope this is some what enlightening. I have certainly learnt my lesson & one thing i will add here too is that you must look at the past as your greatest teacher to the present, do not keep making the same mistakes or you will find yourself in the same situations and there will be no time for growth.

I’d love to hear your feedback

Kerry

Dating & Making them Relationships #01 Time

Dating & Making them Relationships #01 Time

Okay so what would you say makes a relationship? In this short blog i’m just going to be talking about time. Why time? Well for anything to develop, to grow to become something more there needs to be time. This is something that gets tricky but it really is simple and it’s helped me realise why i was not satisfied when it came to past relationships…

When you're dating someone it’s perfectly okay to see each other once or a couple times a week… But when you start liking someone, you become captivated by them and so you want to spend more time with each other. This is called investing. Investing is important when turning dating into something a little more serious or committed does not mean it cannot be just as fun, yet it’s the thing that scares us especially men and it causes us to withdraw.

You should only invest as much time into someone as they are willing to with you, this is a KEY factor to stop you from getting hurt. IT’s not a game of trickery! It’s simply only giving as much as you're willing to give the person thats is willing to only give you that much of their time. Still be fun and warm to show them just how amazing you are, but do not give more than they give you. Now of course when you're transitioning into the next phase of being in a relationship you will need to test this out, give a little more to see if they give a little more and vise versa.

When you're seeing a guy that you really like and you're seeing them twice a week, it feeds you… by this i mean it gives your just enough to not want to or feel the need to look else where. So you're not hungry ‘lol’ … Soon that becomes not enough, you need more we need to feel like as human beings that we are creating, developing, growing and moving forward. So and here comes it, if you need more you need to be more than just satisfied…  If the other person is not willing to give you more, be kind, understanding (wait for it)... just say well i’d really like to keep seeing you, but i’d also like to keep my options open and maybe start dating other people.

Thats exactly what you do… I had been in a relationship for a few years it went from someone giving me lots of their time to them giving me so little… i was unsatisfied, but because you love them and enjoy the time they do give to you, you stick it out and wait and hope things will get better. I went from dating to relationship to what felt like i was back to only dating someone yet investing a lot more than i should've because that person was only giving me so much of their time. So, it’s important to be consistent and set boundaries within your self of what you deem you need from the relationship, if there is no compromise then get out it, it’s not worth it… You should not invest your emotions, your thoughts, your heart into something/Someone who is not investing just as much back in return.

My relationship had many factors, but i feel that time was the number one key thing! And its something i set out saying in the beginning and that other person was not able to deliver or work on it, and so it’s time to get back out there. Relationships are tricky, difficult, but they are necessary for us to grow. I have learnt a lot from my past relationships and i will continue to grow with my future ones. They reflect and contrast who we are as people and what we must learn to get to that good match. So do not allow your past to ruin your future.

Practice on time. IT’s the number one thing that you can give to someone else and it makes all the difference. Some couples get into things super fast and give a lot of time, this is unhealthy also as you still need to do things separately, you still have your own goals, ambitions, dreams and lives away from your significant other… it’s important to remember that, do things together but always make time for yourself

Thank you for reading, please join my on my Facebook page ‘ask a little witch’ and leave me comments and share with friends many thanks