Relationships #Friends & the Influence
So friends are really important to us all… Agreed! They are the closest thing to most of us other than our Families (that we can never get rid of - at times). Our friends are the people that just get us with rarely any judgement They are our biggest support system.
So it makes sense that when you introduce someone you're dating to these special people that you very soon become a label instead of an individual… As i found ‘’the latest squeeze’’ or normally ‘’the NEW girlfriend/boyfriend’’ - Instead of just you… You become an object of judgement! So It goes without saying your friends or your partners friends are or can be your biggest PR Campaign - that can promote or destroy you.
In truth what they say matters and with the level and amount of time they spend with your partner the bigger the influence that they (friends) have over them on you. Yes integrating your partner to your friends and family are important too the future of the relationship, it is what makes them see that you can be in their life for longer. But there are right ways of doing this.
My Mistake
So I had casually met a few of my partner at the times friends, and the ones i did meet were very nice… Now i have a thing about large crowds, that i never used to have but from the stories i had been told it kinda freaked me out a little and i found it extremely overwhelming to be in a room full of all of his friends - HE HAD LOADS!!. So i put it off…
This was potentially harmful to my relationship at the time, as the longer i left it the worse the picture was of me that i had painted for them. Now to my surprise some of his friends knew about me others didn’t, this took the edge off a little but also posed questions in my mind. The questions where 100% the situation i had created for myself, because obviously he was not viewing the relationship as i was at the time, but that is my own fault because i was not integrating into his world.
In other areas of our relationship i shined and this area, the most important of all others i sucked at!! I supported him in doing something that he had always wanted to do, i did my part and raised money for his cause. And It really was a proud moment that he had put everything together as amazingly as he did! It was a proud Girlfriend Moment! He had put on a benefit to help raise money and awareness for a charity and then went on to climb a mountain in africa and had this life changing experience, it was great to have been apart of the making of that.
Anyways, It was the first time i had been in a huge room where i suddenly came aware that i knew nobody. His friends were not as welcoming as i had hoped, but 100% again this was my fault for being so distant in the beginning. Upon talking to some & i think this is probably the moment that kind of knocked me a little, was when one of his good friends (admittedly she was rather drunk) said ‘’ohh you the latest squeeze” I was thinking well i’m not the latest i’ve been with him for almost a year… Then it dawned on me, It took me a year before even coming close to being in his world… So yes i should expect that… and what was to follow.. ‘’He certainly kept you quiet.. did he tell you that me & him..”
Wow i was shocked and at that moment all i wanted to do was go home yet i stayed and supported him. The responses i had got were fair i had not made the effort in the beginning so i should not of expected any less.
The moral and the lesson i have learnt from all this & it might be so simple to the rest of you but to me it had never occurred, because i had not been in a position where i actually cared and it was a new experience for me. By that i mean, i had obviously dated others but i was not that into them to worry about that side of things.
So yes the lesson, It’s important if someone you're dating wants you to meet the people he cares most about. Infact the topic of wanting to meet the new love interest had probably come from their closed friends in first place, from all the good things that the person you're dating has been talking about. It should be a fun honored thing… (Even if i found it daunting).
Instead of putting it off, you should always take them up on that offer. If you do not take them up on that offer, your painting a bad light for yourself in the eyes of those that mean the most to your partner. The longer you leave it the worse it becomes, because we are seen as this girl/guy who is stealing all our mates time and yet she/he won't make time for us? They won't stand for it and that’s when they become the PR Campayn that destroys you, leaves you with less time with your partner until eventually it crumbles.
So yes meeting them as soon as you can allows you to get to see him in another light, how he is outside of you and who you are together. You get to see what kind of people he cares for and it’s then your choice to make rapport with them and make them important to you too. It also gets you to be seen as an individual instead of ‘’blah blah’s Girl/boyfriend”.
Another thing that is important is to allow your partner to still have that time alone with their mates but there has to be a balance in this too. They should always be encouraged to do the things that make them the happiest, after all that is what we want. Never try to control someone or change them because they will not be the person you fell in love with. Communicate your feelings and practise the art of compromise, if there is not a balance and the other is not willing to invest into you as you are into them, it’s not the relationship for you.
I hope this is some what enlightening. I have certainly learnt my lesson & one thing i will add here too is that you must look at the past as your greatest teacher to the present, do not keep making the same mistakes or you will find yourself in the same situations and there will be no time for growth.
I’d love to hear your feedback
Kerry
